Before I became a Doula I had no idea how someone picked their OBGYN. I thought you just googled who is in your insurance network and call it good. But YIKES, is that a mistake. 

I too often see my clients stuck with an OBGYN that does not support them and their wants... creating appointments filled with anxiety and a lot of medical gaslighting. 

So PLEASE, I beg you. Please. Please. Please. Interview your OBGYN (because at the end of the day they work for you. Not the other way around). 

You don't need to show up with a clipboard-and-power-suit (unless you want to, because who the hell doesn't love a good power suit). But you are choosing the person who will be in the room during one of the biggest moments of your life. The person whose opinions, habits, and hospital privileges will shape your options during labor.

And most people spend more time researching pacifiers than their birth provider.

"But My Insurance Picked My OBGYN For Me"

I hear this constantly. You got pregnant, you called the office your insurance listed, you got assigned whoever had an opening, and now you're 24 weeks in wondering if this is just... how it goes.

It's not. You have more options but it's critical that you start having the conversations now. 

In most practices, you can switch providers. You can switch practices. You can ask to see a specific doctor. You have way more say than anyone tells you, and the earlier you figure out whether your provider is actually a good fit, the easier that conversation becomes.

Because here's the thing: your OBGYN's philosophy on birth matters more than their bedside manner. A provider can be lovely in a 15-minute appointment and still have a 40% cesarean rate. A provider can have great Google reviews and still believe everyone should be induced at 39 weeks "just because."

You don't find that out by vibes. You find that out by asking.

I'll even tell you about a recent client's experience.

She knew she wanted an unmedicated birth, with minimal intervention, and pushing in any position but on her back. (VERY RESONALBE REQUESTS).  Oh and mind you this isn't even her first time doing this.... She's gone unmedicated multiple times. BUT, when mentioning this to her provider at 35 weeks pregnant, she was told that wasn't possible.

He cannot "deliver someone who's not unmedicated and not on their back" and even said "birth isn't possible without intervention". (No, I'm not kidding. He can do a fucking surgery for crying out loud but not catch a baby without an epidural?1? Please get this man a "how to birth for dummies" guide). I digress. 

The point is, had my client not asked questions, she never would have known what she was going up against in the labor and delivery room. Thankfully, she found out now and was able to switch providers (even at 35 weeks). 

The Appointments Are Short. Your Questions Shouldn't Be an Afterthought.

The average prenatal appointment is somewhere between 10 and 15 minutes. That's it. Heartbeat check, belly measure, "any questions?", door closes.

If you walk in without a plan, you will walk out having asked about heartburn and absolutely nothing else. (Heartburn is valid. But you see my point.)

So instead of trying to wing it, come in with questions that actually tell you who this provider is, like:

"How do you feel about birth plans?" You're not really asking about paper. You're asking: do you see me as a participant in my own birth, or a patient to be managed? Listen for curiosity vs. eye rolls.

"What's your approach if labor is going slowly but baby and I are both doing fine?" This question tells you SO much. Patience is a provider trait, not a given. Some providers genuinely trust the process. Some start mentioning Pitocin before you've finished your sentence.

"Who delivers if you're not on call when I go into labor?" This one surprises people every time. In many practices, the doctor you've seen for nine months has a coin-flip chance (or worse) of being the one who actually attends your birth. You want to know who else might be in that room, and whether the whole practice shares a philosophy or just an office.

"How do you support partners being involved in decisions during labor?" If you and your partner are preparing for this birth as a team (and if you're reading this blog, I'm guessing you are), you want a provider who talks to both of you, not over you.

It's Not Just the Questions. It's What You Listen For.

Anyone can hand you a list of questions. The skill is in reading the answers.

Green flags sound like:

• "Great question, let me walk you through how I think about that."
• "It depends on your situation, here's what I'd consider."
• "What's important to you?"

Yellow-to-red flags sound like:

• "Don't worry about that, I'll take care of everything."
• "We don't really do that here." (with no explanation of why)
• "Let's just see how it goes." (as a way to end the conversation, not start one)
• Any answer that makes you feel silly for asking

You are not looking for a provider who says yes to everything. You're looking for one who explains things. Who treats your questions like the reasonable, intelligent questions they are. Who makes you feel like a person, not a chart.

Because if they're dismissive at 16 weeks in a calm office? Imagine 7 centimeters.

"What If I Ask All This and Realize My Provider Isn't It?"

Then you just saved yourself from finding out during labor. That's a WIN.

Switching providers feels awkward, I know. But OBGYNs are professionals. People transfer care all the time, for insurance reasons, for moves, for fit. You do not owe anyone your birth out of politeness.

The best time to switch is as early as possible. The second best time is now. I've seen families transfer care at 36 weeks and have the birth experience they actually wanted. Late is not the same as too late.

Want the Full List? It's Free.

I put together my 12 Questions to Ask Your OBGYN, the exact questions I recommend to my doula clients, in a free download so you can bring it straight to your next appointment.

No guesswork, no blanking in the exam room, no "I'll ask next time" (you won't, we both know this).

Grab the free 12 Questions to Ask Your OBGYN list here and start building a birth team that actually believes in you.

Because the person catching your baby should be someone you chose. On purpose.

Happy you're here,
Kyndrick

The information in this post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult your provider with questions about your specific pregnancy and labor.