Birth and death feel more alike than we admit

This week was an odd one. I supported 3 births while also supporting 1 death.

As I moved between labors and hospice FaceTimes over the past few days, I couldn’t help but think about how similar birth and death really are.

Both ask us to surrender to the unknown. To let go. To do something we don’t necessarily feel ready to do.

Sometimes these moments come slowly, with little nudges that something is coming. Small signs that a transition is near.

Other times they arrive in the middle of the night. Unexpected. Catching everyone off guard.

As I watch partners’ helplessness and concern grow, it reminds me how both birth and death unintentionally hurt the people we love most as we make both our enterance and exit out of the world. Often leaving us feeling helpless and out of control.

Both ask us to slow our breathing, hold hands, and allow the body to do what it needs to do. To try to create calm in the chaos.

Unfortunately, I’ve sat with death more times than I’d prefer to count. I’ve felt the air shift, watched the body change, held hands, and said sorrowful goodbyes.

In some ways, it feels poetic that I ended up doing birth work after sitting with so much death.

But what surprises me as I sit in this space again is the recognition of the subtle energy in the room.

It’s quiet. Barely noticeable. But it’s there.

It’s the same energy you feel as death approaches on the other side. It’s no wonder so many cultures believe birthworkers are spirit workers.

I’ve started to think of it as the “energy of life” itself... almost like someone is being ushered in from another room, or gently guided out of this one.

Not something to be feared, but part of the circle of life.

Maybe this is the most incredibly depressing newsletter email ever sent (sorry). But as I supported both the birth of a baby and the passing of my grandmother on the same day, I couldn’t help but notice the parallels between the beginning and end of life. The surrender they ask of us, the love they reveal, and the ways they remind us how little control we really have.