Your baby mattered
Hi friend,
Today is October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
If you have lost a pregnancy or a baby, this email and today are especially for you.
Your baby mattered. You are a parent. And your grief does not have an expiration date, no matter what anyone (including the voice in your own head) tries to tell you.
Your grief gets to be as big as it is
Maybe your loss was last week. Maybe it was twenty years ago and still knocks the wind out of you every October, expected due date, or at the most unexpected moment. Maybe nobody even knew you were pregnant, so you've been carrying this completely alone.
However it happened, and whenever it happened, it counts.
You don't have to accept the "at least"
You have probably heard some version of "at least it was early," "at least you can try again," or "everything happens for a reason." (For the record, the person who said that to you did not know the reason either.)
Those comments usually come from people who are uncomfortable with pain and want to make it smaller. Your loss doesn't get smaller because someone else can't sit with it.
You are allowed to say, "I'm not looking for a silver lining right now, I just need you to listen." That's not rude, it's communicating what you need in that moment.
Partners, today is for you too
Partners so often become the logistics person. You made the calls, signed the paperwork, drove everyone home, and somewhere in trying to keep it all together, your own grief got shoved in a closet.
You lost a baby too, and you're allowed to fall apart. If your person is the one who held it all together, check on them today, even if they swear they're fine (they're probably not).
If you want to honor today
You don't have to do anything. Grief doesn't follow a calendar, and today can just be a Thursday if that's what you need. But if it feels right:
- Light a candle to honor your baby, your family, and the life you were starting to imagine.
- If you had a name, say your baby's name out loud, or write it somewhere you'll see it.
- Let the people who love you know what you need today, whether that's company, space, or a really good takeout order.
- Rest, cry, laugh, or do absolutely nothing. All of it is allowed.
If you're pregnant after loss
Pregnancy after loss is joy and terror sharing the same body. Every appointment can feel like holding your breath, and a quiet afternoon without kicks can send you spiraling. That isn't you being dramatic; it's your heart remembering.
Both things are true: you can be hopeful about this baby and still be grieving the one before. Go easy on yourself and your heart.
So as we sit here on October 15, please know that I'm thinking of you and the mother that you are.
Sending you a very big hug,
Kyndrick
Peachey Pregnancy Co.
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