How to Have a Different Birth Experience the Next Time

I hear a lot of birth stories. And when I work with second and third-time families, I almost always hear about their first one.

What they loved, what they didn’t, what they wish had gone differently. And somewhere in that conversation is usually,

“I just want this one to be different.”

And I get it. Of course you do. I want this time to be different for you, too. 

But then we start working together, we get a little deeper into things, and I start noticing the same patterns pop up again.

Not asking questions. Not really speaking up. Staying with a provider that doesn’t feel like the best fit. Wanting to avoid interventions, but still agreeing to things that tend to lead right back to them.

And most of the time, it’s not because you don’t care or you don’t know... it’s because you don’t want to be seen as "difficult."

You don’t want to push. You don’t want to ruffle feathers.

And I say this with so much love, but also very bluntly, at the end of the day, the only person that hurts is you.

For your Nurses, OBGYNs, Midwives, etc. it's just another day at work. But for you? This is a life-altering event. The moment YOU become a parent. A moment you will never forget. 

I had a conversation recently where I told someone, “you can’t have the birth you want by doing the same things that got you the birth you didn’t.” And she kind of just sat there for a second, like… oh. Because it’s one of those things that feels obvious, but also a little uncomfortable to actually look at.

We can’t expect a different experience while doing the exact same things.

So if you really do want this birth to feel different, then I pose the question to you:

What are you willing to do differently?

If you want more calm, what are you putting in place now to support that? If you want to avoid certain interventions, are you working on patience, on understanding your options, on what that actually looks like in real time? If you want to feel more supported postpartum, are you actually preparing for that… (like using my Prepared & Postpartum Guides) or just hoping it’ll work itself out?

Sometimes doing it differently looks like asking more questions. Sometimes it looks like switching providers. Sometimes it looks like hiring more support than you had last time. Sometimes it just looks like actually preparing instead of going in and hoping for the best.

Not because you did anything wrong before. But because now you know more.

And you get to use that valuable information to strive for more. 

If you’re in a season where you’re trying to do things differently this time around, then I invite you to put the fear of resistance aside and remind yourself that for this birth to be different, you need to show up differently. 

It’s not about doing more for the sake of doing more...it’s about actually being intentional with your birth and postpartum so you’re not ending up in the same place again.

Because a different experience doesn’t just happen.

It comes from doing things differently on purpose and having the help to get you there.

Not sure where to start? Let me coach you on your birth options, advocacy, and getting the birth you desire.